Frances D’Angelo
My Spiritual Journey
I have been working in the metaphysical filed professionally for 20 years. My spiritual journey started at a very young age, although at that age I thought that was just the way things were. Now in retrospect, I can recall and remember moments of awakeness and awareness while I was still a baby in a crib.
I remember before I could speak that I could feel how my mother and father were feeling and what their thoughts were just by looking at them.
When I was 5 and 6 years old I would recite these great stories to all the neighborhood kids. The stories would come to me from my angelic friends that were always with me. I could see them and speak with them. They would tell their stories to me.
As I grew I let go of my “angelic friends” because in my family our religion did not allow for speaking to angels or spirits.
Unfortunately I was not raised in a loving home. I had two sisters and one brother. I guess my mother and father did the best they could but there were serious problems. My father was abused when he was a child, so he abused his children and his wife. He was sexually, physically, and verbally abusive to all of us. In fact I died three times by his hand before I was seven years old. I remember each experience on the other side and my decision to return.
My mother was basically afraid of my father and she did not work so she felt trapped and stuck at home. She was depressed most of the time when I was young as I remember it.
I have done a great deal of emotional and spiritual healing to understand and forgive both of my parents and myself because as children we blame ourselves when we feel unloved by our parents.
The sexual abuse left me feeling very isolated and different from everyone including my friends at school. As time went on I became more and more withdrawn. By the time I was 13 I felt very alone and lonely. Being spiritually aware left me feeling as if even God did not love me.
In my depression and loneliness I decided that I would commit suicide as a way to escape the pain. I figured that I could talk with God and He would help me feel better. That’s when the first of many miracles in my life occurred.
I came home on the school bus quite calmly on a cold January day, having said goodbye to everyone that I liked. I was set on committing suicide that day. No one was home when I arrived at 2:30pm. I sat in the kitchen with pills and a knife wondering if I should leave a note. I figured that a note was useless. Our lives were nothing but secrets, so why say anything?
But suddenly as I sat there, the light in the room became very bright. It was a golden light that gathered together in a beam and came right at my forehead. It filled my whole body from head to toe with a feeling that was loving and comforting. I became so happy and joyous in that moment that I forgot about the suicide.
As I basked in this love, two small beings who looked like children, sat on my lap. A boy and a girl appeared out of thin air and began to speak to me quietly and without judgment.
“Please child, do not do what you are thinking.” they said. “You feel so alone and lonely but you are never alone. We are always with you. You just forgot.” They wanted to show me something so they touched my face and asked me to look out the window. As I turned to the kitchen window, the curtains parted and I the falling snow outside blowing around, looking very cold and icy. But as I watched the ice began to melt along with the snow, revealing a muddy soaked ground underneath. I then saw water running in the ditches around the property and felt a cool breeze on my face, although the window was not opened. The sun then broke through the clouds and everything heated up. The trees grew leaves, the grass began to grow, and flowers began to bloom. I could then feel a very hot breeze against my face as I saw waves of heat radiating from the ground. I could even hear the crickets and bees. Clouds then covered the sun and the leaves on the trees turned beautiful colors of red, yellow, and orange. They began to fall onto the wet grass and soon snow fell and covered everything in a white blanket again. All of this happened in seconds.
The two beings told me that just as the seasons change, so too would my life. The misery I now faced was not a life sentence. Nothing is forever. They told me that I would not believe them but because I could “see”, they would come to me every day to help me not to feel so alone and depressed.
I was overwhelmed by everything and totally forgot about the suicide. In fact, I even forgot about their visit. I felt just like a happy girl.
The next day on the school bus my two new spirit friends appeared on my lap again. They squeezed my arms and even my coat moved, but no one appeared to notice. They smiled and said that they were being true to their word and were going to help me. They really did help me. I went from being a very withdrawn, shy, awkward teenager of thirteen, to a happy, more outgoing freshman in high school. I could talk more easily to people. I felt more loved and less alone.
They could not stop the abuse of my father, but they offered me ways to cope. They led me to books that taught me how to write poetry and how to journal the feelings I had so that they would not remain locked inside of me. They taught me how to talk to myself and feel what I was saying in order to stay in the moment. They taught me ways to look at my father and see why he was so abusive as well as why my mother was so afraid.
After ninth grade their visits became less frequent. But they always came when I needed them. Much later I learned that these two beings were aspects of myself and that the great golden light was the infinite light that I am always if I choose it.
My story goes on and on. Like I said in the beginning, I have had an amazing journey and it continues as I continue to evolve. I feel very blessed.
I still face obstacles like everyone else but more and more I am understanding that I am and have been the sole (soul) creator of everything in my life and that’s OKAY!